Uncle Frankie, Aunt Betsey & Jesus.

What are the rules you must follow to be accepted by your church or by God?
What are the questions of faith that you dare not risk exploring for they do not follow the set standard answer?

Is there the “father or mother” figure who possess supreme enlightenment? Are you afraid to express your thoughts and concerns for the fear of being given the “right” answer to your question? “We” like Mozart; “we” play contemporary music; “we” tithe; “we”kneel; “we” raise our hands in the air.

Churches can operate like many dysfunctional family systems. There are certain rules that must be adhered to in order for one to be accepted into the “family”; break the rules and find yourself excluded until you repent and conform to the standards followed by the masses. Those who don’t follow the rules or “think” like the other members are outsiders. Often this leads to exclusion, control, denial, secrets, and a false sense of reality. It doesn’t lead to health and wholeness. It can be extremely toxic.

Like family rules and answers, they may work for a while but when the kid grows and matures, he’ll realize that something’s not quite right about Uncle Frankie who lives in the basement and sleeps until 4 in the afternnoon.

“Mommy smokes crack because she is a low-life sinner. She was born that way in willful disobedience to God. She’s a no-good piece of trash, but God loves her that’s why he punished Jesus. God demands that somebody pay; an eye for an eye. Because God loves you so much even though you suck as a human being, he sent your older brother to the cross to be abused for you. You should be thankful. It’s the same reason daddy slapped you for painting the sidewalk with redwood stain. I love you. You should be thankful.”

“If you really loved God you would tithe the same way if you really loved Aunt Betsey you’d allow her to pinch your cheeks and slobber on your face.”

I wonder how many people have replaced their shame-based family system for one at church?

How many susbstitute faith-- faith like Jesus, for knowledge?

As best I can tell, Jesus wasn’t big on “rules and answers”. Jesus never shamed people for being who they are. That’s what makes people sick in the first place. Jesus did not attempt to teach people how “bad” they were, if anything he attempted to show people how "good" or "valuable" they are. He did not condemn people for their poor choices; choosing evil over good. I certainly don’t think that he taught people how bad and flawed they are; he attempted to help people regain their self-respect, humanity, integrity, honor and dignity. Those don’t come through the right sound-bite answers and rigid rule systems. It comes through acceptance, love, and an experience of the sacred usually after all the answers and rigid systems have stopped working and one has slapped bottom. Then we discover the Sacred One in our midst; the Lover of our souls; our Creator; the God of grace.

Perhaps we need to give-up the rules, codes, and "right" answers that keep us locked from a true, direct experience of God. Instead of hiding from our shame, perhaps we can learn to accept it and embrace it. Any maybe, once we have a authentic experience of God, we'll love God, ourselves and others.

Jesus didn’t need rules or sound-bites; the right leadership book or the right prayer book; Mozart or mainstream music; a mohawk, goatee, or a guru-- he just loved God.