The Needle & The Damage Done.
Hurt people, hurt people.
We’ve all heard this before. Many of us are familiar with how others have hurt us. It is easy to cast blame on those who have wounded us. It seems that most pain inflicted on folks stems from the pain in the soul of another; but what about our hurt? What about how we have caused pain unintentionally from those “blind” places within ourselves?
How has our hurt, hurt others?
For example, it is one thing to know the sting of another’s sarcasm, but what about our sarcasm, how has our use of sarcasm hurt another? Speaking to a group last night, I found myself reflecting on how the conscious and unconscious pain within me has often left folks feeling my hurt. We used sarcasm as an example but there are many buried hurts that we just don’t want to face that leave us hurting and in pain. You know how it feels to be lied to, but have you ever considered how your lying hurts another? Many of us know or have witnessed another’s anger directed toward us but how often do we stop to reflect on our own anger, which for me is often hurt or fear, and how it hurts another?
It seems so easy to race through life striving to achieve, possess, obtain, accomplish, and “get to a place” that we think we fulfill us only to discover that most of these activities are our way of masking our buried pain—not facing ourselves.
We hide and when we hide, not only do we hurt but we hurt others.
How often we reach out to “feel better” through people, places, and things only to discover that we not only deepen our pain, but hurt others in the process? I am reminded of Neil Young’s The Needle and the Damage Done. “I see the needle and the damage done; there’s a little part in everyone…”
It is hard to reflect on our pain, after all who wants to feel pain? So we run; we hide; we cover-up; we withdraw and we hurt others through our hurt. Especially the pain we’ve inflicted on others, but also the pain that has been inflicted on us. There’s a little part in every one of us and until I explore my pain and face my hurt I will continue to be “the needle that takes another man.”
When I run from my hurt and how I hurt others, I run with the devil. It’s the accuser; the deceiver; the liar and it wants to steal, kill and destroy me through not facing my self. We think that avoiding our pain will be the thing that saves us but it is only a stumbling block to discovering who we are.
Real healing begins when I admit to God, myself and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. And the only way I can do that is to put the focus on myself fearlessly… and sometimes that hurts... so the cycle repeats.
10 Comments:
I think it is very common to want to run from pain or even try to hide from pain. Make ourselves so distracted that we don't think about our pain. Everyone copes in different ways with pain, but what's important is that we remember God is with us through it all and is there for us to lean on. We don't walk alone because God has abandoned us. No, we walk alone because we CHOOSE not to take God's hand and let Him help us through our hurt. So, yes, I agree it is easy to accidently put our hurt on someone else because we, often times, think we can handle our situations ourself, whether consciously or subconsciously. Healing begins when we can TRULY admit to God, that we need Him. We can mean to say that to God all we want, but if we aren't sincere, we often times take our burdens back on ourselves instead of leaving our hands open and lifted to the Lord. Hope that all made sense...I loved your post. It triggered all these thoughts and I wanted to get them down. I'm still praying for you and for your healing. :)
Every junkie’s like a setting sun….
Rick, you did it again. You rarely right anymore but every time you do it feels like its “for me”. I am a junkie. I admit it, I use people (men specifically) to cover my pain and in turn inflict pain on them. It’s a cycle I see and repeat over and over. Sometimes my own pain (inflicted over a lifetime) is almost unbearable to the point that I do want to pick up a real needle full of something and end it once and for all. I don’t understand how some people get through life without constantly wanting to die – that’s foreign to me. But I do have periods of time where I am “high” from the attention of a man and feel so good. Even then brewing close to the surface is that sick feeling in my gut that its going to come back – the pain will return with a brutal force. When it does, I hurt “him” (whoever he is at the moment) and retreat into my shell until the next time. It’s sick. Wish I had the guts to sign my name, but I don’t.
Good to see you back. Missed you for a month of so there.
Holding you in thought and in prayer.
Thanks for your honesty. It's rare...and in being honest, your light shines illuminating the way for others.
Shine on-
To Anonymous,
At least you had the guts and courage to write it. Thank you
Rick,
I was remembering you wrote this:
"I close my eyes and I find myself being held in the gaze of God’s love."
It is so beautiful, and so true. We just need to re-memeber it.
Love to you, dear One.
Meredith
This post brings some personally memories to mind. My father was a heroine addict until I was a teenager. It is so easy for me to tell people how much this hurt me but you know, I've really hurt others and I didn't have the excuse of a gripping addiction.
I realize you aren't talking about heroine specifically in this post but the title struck me immediately.
All I can say is that I am grateful for the Grace of God. And I'm grateful God cares enough about me to teach me to forgive others...now, a bit of work still needs to be done so that I can COMPLETELY forgive myself...
Good thoughts, Rick. Thank you.
Addiction is truly the endemic malaise of man. It all comes from not understanding where the Kingdom of God exists. This utopian mindset that our peace and salvation lie somewhere outside of ourselves is deadly.
What do you have that hasn't been given? And do you believe the Word of God that ALL things were given in Christ? The peculiar love of God is that He loves each soul even in its total denial of these truths as if the soul were His only begotten Son.
Thinking that something is wrong or that you don't have what you want is being a victim and a hypcrite. You have exactly what you want. You spend every moment creating it. It's not that you have some bad things to confess, it is that you are evil. Completely evil and there is no hope for you. There is only hope for the Son, and if you allow Him to come and live in you, then your suffering and pain will be of an entirely different nature. It will be for others and not your sorry self.
You are already healed. Let it be so.
Thanks for the beautiful reflection. Sometimes I wonder if when we die we will see the "behind the scenes" impact that our words and actions have on people. Perhps we have little idea of how our hurts huts others.
I've been reading your blog for a while now. I'll be adding you as a link on my page. Thanks for writing what you do. It's refreshing to see such honesty.
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