Weakness and Guilt.
Sometimes it is possible to disappoint or hurts others unintentionally.
What do you do when that happens?
I recently learned that I disappointed someone I care about and who has been very supportive of me over the past five years. Granted, this wasn't something earth shattering but it was somewaht significant.
Sometimes the only thing one can do is say, "I am sorry."
That's what I did and I will learn from my mistake and grow.
There's a part of me that wants to wallow in my guilt.
It's like the longer I feel guilty the better it is. Am I feeling guilty for the person I let down or for me? Sometimes I think my guilt is for me and perhaps less for the other person I disappointed.
How long does one feel guilty before letting it go?
We do it with God as well. How long do we carry guilt and shame before we let it go?
I suspect that much of our healing is about forgiving oursleves long after God has forgiven us.
I am genuinely sorry that I let this person down-- and it was definitely my fault. I feel gulity but can I forgive myself?
We do that to ourselves, don't we? We hold on to our guilt to punish ourselves.
What about grace? What about being merciful to ourselves?
What about God's grace in those parts of myself that are still weak? "My grace is sufficient for you for your power is made perfect in my weakness." I think holding on to guilt is a form of weakness. It is relying on my guilt versus God's grace.
"God, may I rely on your grace to sustain me rather than my guilt."
13 Comments:
You know, you can only kick yourself in the butt for so long before you realize it's not very productive hopping around on one leg.
Hey Rick!
I found your blog while blog-hopping and was glad to hear your "voice" again. I can see that you are as prolific in writing as you are in speech ;-) (and as astute and enthusiastic as well!) Amy and I keep building the vision of the center and I just recently started a blog on creativity and spirituality in connection, so I am exploring the blogworld more and found you. I look forward to regular reading and insights. Hope your move is going well! Greetings to Renee and blessings on your new adventures.
Peace, Christine Paintner
PS -- I thought the reason you stayed in seminary was meeting some cool spirituality instructors! ;-)
Well I can quote chapter and verse of Bill Countryman's book on forgiveness, but I'm sure you already studied that. Bottom line: (and I KNOW this is not always easy, but) forgive yourself because God forgoves you.
logically, it all makes sense...God has forgiven you, let it Go!.....realistically, it is one of Satan's tools that we allow him to use on us....guilt!
At our church, the confession of sins has a part about "things I have done and things I have left undone." Then we are reminded of God's grace. His grace is sufficient for me.
You can learn from your past mistakes because you beat yourself up about them. But you can also learn from past mistakes that you are already forgiven for, probably a more graceful way to carry those lessons.
i agree with DJG.. not too long ago, i started to recognize guilt, and shame and the wallowing in it as one of Satan's greatest deceptions. i'm not saying i don't still do it or experience it, but it helps to call it what it is and push back against it.
as always, thanks for your transparency here.
Big Daddy,
How about making amends (the best you can) and moving on to Grow in God?
Boo
Oh, and one more comment on this actual post :-) -- I think that sometimes we hold onto guilt because it is the pattern that we know best. We human beings are remarkably compulsive beings (myself included) and guilt is just one more way for us to stay locked in the prisons of our own making and one more excuse not to really change. To let go would mean to live and act with a freedom we have not yet experienced and freedom can be terrifying. Isn't that why the Israelites grumbled the whole way in the desert, because the slavery they knew in Egypt was far better than the challenge of living as free individuals with full responsibility for their own lives.
Your concern shows your kind and good heart. God forgives you. We learn from our mistakes, hardly ever from our successes.
Found you through bjk and bruced!
Thanks for the plug, Karen. You're check will be in the mail. Honest.
Yes, GUILT!
For most people, guilt is the primary motivator to seek God. I'm OK with that, but you're right... we don't know when to let it go. The key to peace, I think, is understanding how completely God forgives us. But more importantly, His grace permits us to come to a point where we can forgive ourselves. Through a better understanding of His love, we can stop "pushing" ourselves to God, and realize that His love is so great that, if we simply rest, He will "pull" us into Himself. There is where peace lives.
You have to look at the emotions God created as a way to protect you from future hurts. The emotion guilt can help you learn to not repeat this behavior. Although we may do it again, there is a good chance that our behaviour will be modified because we know this chronic behaviour causes excessive guilt. Look at it as a protection God has provided and not as a negative like you are a bad person. Usually a true friend can overcome the hurt and with the sincere words I am sorry can further speed the healing. hippie
Sometimes we not only let others down, but we let ourselves down as well. It can be a very hard pill to swallow that we truly are not as wonderful as we think we are and that we mess up too. I've been there and am still learning to forgive myself and others. What a gracious and merciful God we have.
Praying for you, friend. we've all been in this situation and it can hurt.
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