Protected Golden Self-Images
If a local congregation-- a community of faith is not the safest place on the planet for believers to reveal the truth of their joys and the pain of their sorrows, then where do we go?
I am not surprised that many folks often find their way into recovery support groups and/or the office of a sound therapist to do the inner healing that often remains hidden from those in their local faith community. It seems that all too often the local faith community is not a safe place to reveal our wounds.
Why does the majority of the world... and Christians step "outside" the Body of Christ to seek healing?
I think it has to do with an unwillingness to be vulnerable. Many don't know what to do with "others'" pain. I am often reminded of the leper who risked all that he had to make he way to the feet of Jesus. He risked public humiliation in order to be healed; of course he had nothing to lose...
and perhaps that it is the problem, we have too much to lose. Pride, the fasle-self that we present to the world. All too often this is advocated by the those who lead.
It's toxic shame. Shame is advocated. Hiding is safe... but as long as we hide behind our unexposed shame we will never heal. Bill Wilson, Dr. Bob, Jesus and many others discovered this reality.
Funny, it's not the way of Jesus. Jesus showed us the way-- naked, bare and exposed... the wounds revealed. No wonder so many of us settle for being Christians rather than following Jesus.
Church really ought to be the safest place on the planet to reveal the reality of our lives. It seems that it was the way it was with Jesus. Folks didn't have to hide or pretend in the presence of Jesus; and yet, all too often it seems that we attempt to make church a "safe place" by pretending or hiding... not revelaing too much of ourselves. This seems more like a country club than the broken, poured out Body of Christ.
And if the body is not exposed when it is wounded and broken, then we can pretty much assume it's not the Body of Christ, but perhaps some golden self image that we worship.
Maybe that's the problem, we like to maintain the image of who we think we should be rather revealing who we are.
Do you want to be healed?
Then dare to walk past the naysayers and those who remain hidden and protected and stretch out you hand to the Rabbi who heals. Do it publically and when you do others will witness your miracle, and in doing so, they too may come to believe.
16 Comments:
I only allowed myself to read three blogs this morning. I am glad I chose this one....
I may ask your permission to reprint this....would you be willing for me to?
I've tried to reveal my hurts, pain, and sins to members of the body of Christ and you know what happens? Derision, unnecessary chastisement, and suspicion of ministry. All this for revealing doubts I have occasionally about God, Jesus, etc. There was no sin involved either. Revealing yourself to the church is never a good idea. Your openness is used against you. This has happened in every church I've been in. I've tried to be authentic, by sharing my journey, and revealing my past and my pain, but they didn't want to hear it. Now, I never reveal anything to anybody unless it's outside the church. It's safer and far less painful. Plus, those outside are far more forgiving. I hate to say it, but it's true.
I'm going to link to this, Rick, too good not to share.
I have to say I can relate a bit to what Ann said but I don't want to give up hope.
good post, thanks to barbara for linking
One aspect is the lack of maturity. The mature Christian knows that he cannot fix anyone, only walk alongside. The model of the Church is also worng-headed. It is more of a hospital, and you will find very little pretence in an Emergency ward.
When I first met you, we started talking immediately on a vulnerable level, as if we had known each other closely for many years. That comes from a certain self-knowledge and openess...also confidentiality.
When we meet later this morning for coffee, it will be the same (Rick is out here in California today...lucky me.
Ann,
My heart goes out to you. I have been burned many times. This has taught me to be careful and do as Aelred of Revieux (sp?) taught about spiritual friendship...that they need to be "tested" to see if they can be trusted. I've never found a group that could do that, but many many pilgrims.
As I say above, Rick left for Philly just nmonths after we met, yet I trust him with my life. Look for fellow travelers. They are out there.
No Rick, church will never be the safest place.
Prayer is.
He never promised us safety.....
Jesus didn't promise us safety, true, but why do Christians have to be so quick to judge? That's assuming you can get them to take time out from all their activities to even listen to you.
It's hard enough for me to face my self-judgment. Having others jump on me too is something I can't handle. I think, though, that the self-judgment might be the bigger component.
People on the outside really can't do much. Only if their comments add to self-judgment is there a problem. Sometimes I've thought I had a handle on the self-judgment but then someone makes an idle comment and whammo. I stomp on myself.
Still, the church isn't a safe place for discussing this kind of thing, which is why I don't go to a church. I have my Weblog Fellowship, and some others. I just can't face criticism from those who won't take any time to understand what I'm doing.
I found that the church was a safe place for me to reveal my hurts... when I was new to church. It seems that we have much more space for new members or new believers to be vulnerable. But as time goes on and we are "supposed" to mature, there is more temptation to pretend, particularly if you have a position of leadership.
I don't know if it is possible to be a leader and transparent about sin. Seems to me that the only way it would work is if the clergy were not paid and their jobs were not on the line when they revealed their secrets.
Amen again, Rick.
I'm sorry as I read Ann's comments. I pray you find a place to fellowship that encourages authenticity and boldly loves the broken.
I grieve about your experiences at church.
but not all are jaded as most of you are.
some actually experience her the way she was inteded to be...imperfect, fragile, loving, safe and encouraging.
maybe all the talk about self esteem and self worth and self what ever would disapear if we ALL would be the church instead of complaining about who is not.
interested reader...
It akes me feel sad to read your blog today, even sadder to read so many responses agreeing with you. You encourage us to show ourselves to the church yet what did you so when you began crying during a church service? Did you stay and let the congregation hold you and love you? You did not, you
slipped out. I'm not critising you, just your self-centered veiled judgements of the rest of us.
Yes, when I measure myself and others we always fall short but that's not fodder for railing against the church. Instead, in my humble opinion, its time for folks--clergy and laypeople--to lead the way by example. If I am seen by the church and live to tell perhaps the next believer can follow suit.
Love ya buddy, but I think you're out ther on this one.
Getting healing (especially on an emotional level) is not for the faint of heart. It has been my experience that many times healing comes at a cost to pride ... it takes humilty and courage to be healed. Often we have to be stripped to the core and our hidden motives, insecurities and fears exposed to His healing love. Not a journey for the weak.
Unfortunately in this healing journey we are not wise about who we talk to ... we often reveal our pain to those who are least able to deal with our pain because they have the own unhealed issues ... our pain threatens them.
Fortunately though there are wise counselors in the body of Christ that can help facilitate healing and understand how to bring brothers and sisters to Dr Jesus.
Boo,
Sorry my love, but you misunderstand why I chose to step out... and I did and reach out to someone. And, I wasn't judging OUR congregation, those folks have done nothing but love me.
You misunderstood my post. I wrote this after several folks had mentioned something to me. No, I feel very fortunate to have our church family... and think the community is the most loving and accepting community I have eer been a part of.
Where do thosde voices come from? :)
Beautiful post Rick. I think the parrish at large my not be a safe place to be as vulnerable as we need to be. However, I have experienced small groups of people that I can connect with and engaged in the healing community you talk about.
some churches are NOT safe, not loving, not family in the functional sense of the word .. and we do need to step outside to get help - because they cannot or willnot (as Ann wrote) help us
Jesus is sufficient for us (for salvation) and He can heal all our wounds - but sometimes we need prof help too along the way. God works through them and other medical personnel and for that I'm grateful.
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