Kissed by God.

Love is real.

There was a time in my life that I fell in love with God. I mean the place where I could say that I actually loved God, not because I was supposed to or some silly idea that God demands it. God captured my heart and one night when I was at my lowest point ever and I literally wanted to go to sleep and not wake-up.

I was in a dark space in my life. I felt like I had fallen off the ledge and could no longer be saved by holding on the edge. This time I had fallen to the bottom and I couldn’t pull myself out. I couldn't stand.

Something told me that I need to talk to a “minister” and I spoke out and said, “No I need to talk to God.” So I did.

I told God that if this was all there was to life that it sucked and I’d rather not be here but “if you want me, here I am do something with my life.”

I walked into another room and over to a bookshelf. I pulled a book off the shelf that I had not read, a gift from a friend who had signed it and given me five years before— My Utmost for His Highest. I walked down stairs laid on the couch randomly opened the book and read. I don’t recall the page; I have searched for it over the years, but whatever it was something in my heart clicked. Something physically clicked… something was different… for whatever reason I had hope. I knew there was a God and God loved me… but this time I fell in love with the God who had fallen in love with me.

This didn’t happen in the church.

This happened in my heart.

As the years past I read numerous theology books and actually attended church and I heard a lot about belief and truth. Yet none of it ever touched me like my experience with God in my heart alone in my fear and brokenness. As a matter of fact, some of those things attempt to rob me of the joy of knowing God. Its like a parent telling you that your puppy love will pass.

If you are in a place where people are telling you how or what to believe and it is taking you away from the Light, maybe you just need to talk to God... alone. Tell God the absolute truth about how you feel; don't be afraid to tell God the truth. Abandoned yourself and just let God know the depths of your pain and soul. You have nothing to lose. Don't be afraid to tell God how pissed off you are and how your hurt... your disappointments.

You may just find yourself being kissed by God.

For some reason, I have never forgotten the night I fell in love with God. It is an experience that no belief system, church, or theology can take from me. People say many things about God and how to believe, but none of it matters to me. I know my redeemer lives. I know it. It is what sustains me—the God I encountered alone in my soul who is with me right this very second. No church, belief system. theology,semianry, pastor or priest can ever take away my expereince of God.

Like your first kiss alone with your first love, it is a moment etched in my heart forever, and one I can relive each day.

I am in love with God.

“And I walk out on my own
A thousand miles from home
But I don't feel alone
'Cause I believe in you.
“Don't let me drift too far,Keep me where you are
Where I will always be renewed.
And that which you've given me today
Is worth more than I could pay
And no matter what they sayI believe in you.” Bob Dylan