Opened Doors and Cracked Hearts
Do you believe the place of your woundedness is where others can find healing?
Having spent the last three months working as a Chaplain in a hospital I have come to the conclusion that we minister and exist in the world from our wounds, or at least the place of our wounds. Part of the healing that needs to take place is to begin to recognize where we are wounded and to begin to heal the wound.
For example, I spoke to a lady the other day that lost her daughter to murder in 1968. The woman shared that she was able to forgive the murderer because she realized that he had been abused and deeply hurt as a child. This did not excuse his actions but helped her understand his wound. She shared the pain of growing up as an orphan in an orphanage and the abuse and pain that occurred. It was her woundedness that allowed her to see into the wounds of another and make room for healing.
It takes tremendous courage to face our woundedness. Often times for many folks, there is so much shame associated with the wound that to acknowledge it would be an admission of weakness or a giving up of power that we hold as a result of the wound. This prevents us from healing.
I know from my own perspective, I grew up following some very strict rules about how to cope in the world: never cry; never quit; never admit fear; and never talk back.
These are great rules to live by if you never want to “feel” or to never have your own voice as a human being on the planet. Now I am at a place where I can tell you I am deeply fearful at times; I cry at good television commercials; if I begin something and it begins to robs me of my humanity I will walk away in a New York minute. And what you think of me is really none of my business.
If I am truly in touch with my wounds I may no longer wish to judge you for yours. Knowing my wounded areas helps me to understand yours. It is what makes us the same. Knowing the cracks in my hearts helps the light to shine through into the crakcs in your heart and vice versa.
Having a place to expose and share our wounds without being judged, fixed, or shamed gives a place for all of us to heal. And when we folks begin to open their closet doors and allow others to peek inside we all discover that we have pain, wounds, and secrets hidden behind the door and when we no longer hide, we can begin to heal.
11 Comments:
Rick, How do you know? How do you know what and when to say what you say? I am not the only one that comments here that has said "I needed this right now" or "this fits with exactly what I am going through."
I completely agree that we minister from our wounds. I've asked God for years to bring me opportunities to share with young women who need someone to understand and not judge them for their actions.
I've prayed for victims of abuse, rape, addiction, abortion and more. I want to help others receive the healing that I have.
I am sharing more and more lately but still not completely. I don't know if I can ever do that. I am still weak. I still feel lost in some ways. I feel unworthy to speak of healing when I still struggle.
But I do have compassion and empathy because of my wounded past. Thanks for bringing it up - this is the main thing I have been thinking about lately.
Thank you Laaaayla. I too want to begin to share more from those deeper wounds in my life. Thans for your encouragement.
i have often said we meet people at the wound. thing is, before we can minister to them from our wounds, we need to be pretty much healed or we can backslide right into our junk. we have to be careful and be a couple of steps ahead on the healing ladder prior to trying to minister to someone who is or was "going through the same thing i did." it can be tricky.
i hope that made sense w/out my having to elaborate any further without seriously implicating myself and my vulnearbilities :)
that being said, there is a wonderful piece by madeleine l'engle where she writes:
wounded healers
would i really be able to worship a god who was simply implacable power, and who was invulnerable? if i am hurt, i don't turn for strength and help to someone who has never been hurt, but to someone who has, and who can therefore understand a little of what i am going through. the people i know who are the most invulnerable also tend to show the least compassion.
the kind of person i turn to is someone who has been strong enough to face pain when it comes B and it does come. someone who faces it, endures it, and tries as hard as possible to go through it and come out on the other side. someone whose urge for health is strong enough to hold on to wholeness even in the midst of suffering. and someone who manages to retain a sense of humour, who has the gift of laughter.
as these are the qualities i look for in another human being when i am in need of healing, so these are the qualities i look for in God.
madeleine l'engel
I am definitely in the midst of the healing process. Old wounds being exposed so that the Balm of Gilead can begin to make me whole. It hurts so much right now and it's hard to see the light. Through it all I have really begun to see on a deeper level the things we are all capable of when the pain becomes too much. It is hard to feel the vulnerability of my humaness and to see my weakness, but oh, I can truly have gut level compassion for those in pain in a way I never could have in any other way. I pray to have the honor some day of being a wounded healer.
Thank you for this beautiful post.
This is truly beautiful. Thank you.
great stuff, man.
Like Paul in 2 cor. 1. Like Jesus in pretty much all He did & said. Great.
I thought about this post all day yesterday. I even posted about it today. The thing is I still have many more thoughts...you really opened up a line of thinking for me.
you cry at TV commercials?
dude.
well, i don't care if it's none of your business i'm gonna tell you anyway -- i think you're a pretty cool guy.
and i'm ok with you crying at those commercials. really. i am.
seriously, great post.. thoughtful and true, as usual.
Yes, we meet one another at our wounds which, incidentally, is where we meet with God - at the cross. We connect with one another, understand one another, meet one another at the place of our most profound pain.
And I second what m2 said, as well. One of the things I've learned at the Mission - and your experience may be different, Rick - is that we cannot minister from the place of our pain. What I've seen happen is that wounded ones seek ministry to others as a means of slaking their own anguish, and the relationship develops a powerful and, well, ugly dynamic.
This is far different, of course, from the ministry that just means holding someone amidst their pain - I'm talking about a longer term, ongoing relationship. Without the recognition that we ourselves are wounded, as you said, there's no relationship at all.
A powerful post, Rick. Deeply meaningful and important writing (and that doesn't surprise any of us.)
Once in a while, I bump into a rare individual who makes me not only feel accepted, but impresses me as someone I could tell anything about my life, and not feel condemned. Those are the people I most see Christ in. Those people have been so wounded, that they can't be shocked. They have see so much struggle and hardship that nothing phases them. They are the ones who I can tell anything. They are Jesus to me.
Great post. God definitely can use wounded healers. After 20 years in ministry and now a divorce, I find that my greatest connection to others is through my pain/healing. Brokenness allows God to use us.
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