Reading Jesus: Belief like a Demon.

I have often said (and it is written in my profile), "I don't have the guts to follow Jesus, so I settle for being a Christian."

I guess I could replace the word "guts" with the word, "faith". It's one thing for me to believe in Jesus, it's quite another for me to follow him. I imagine in ways it requires very little faith to believe-- sacred scripture teaches that even the demons believe. But to follow Jesus, to actually have faith in Jesus- his way, truth and life, it quite another concept.

Do I believe that Jesus taught to love my enemies? Absolutely I completely believe it; I would even say that I know it in my heart; but ask me if I have the faith to love my enemies like Jesus loved those who were enemies of him. "Greater things shall you do..." Hmmm... I wonder if that requires my belief or was Jesus expecting his hearers- me-- to actually follow him. Do I have the faith that God can and will intervene (in God's way and timing) as I and the Church love our enemies?

Ask me if I believe in forgiveness, God's forgiveness of me-- my failures, sins, brokenness, and self-absorption-- absolutely, I believe! I know it in my heart. I have experienced it. Ask me if I am willing to plead for God's forgiveness in the same manner that Jesus pleaded, "Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing." I believe, but do I have the faith to follow?

Ask me to stroke a check, even 10% (on the gross, of course). Yea, I believe and can rationalize the theology if need be, but ask me if I have the faith to sell all I have and give it to the poor, and then follow him. ( Yes, I know, Jesus certainly wasn't requiring that of everyone, just the dude like me who claims to have done everything the law requires; the dude that did everything right and knows the prayer that allows me to dance around having the faith to practice it.)

Do I believe that I am forgiven each time I utter the prayer in community for forgiveness of the things I do and the things I leave undone? Yes, I believe that God forgives me. Ask me if I then have the faith then to be sent into the world (especially to the least of these; inviting and compelling those of the fringe to come to the banquet; or better yet, to take the banquet to them)to do the work God has given me to do; to love and serve God as a faithful witness of Christ my Lord. Do I believe that Jesus taught folks to pray for those who persecute me and despitefully use me? I believe... I believe... ask me if I have the faith to pick-up my cross and give my life for the very one or ones who persecute me so that they will see and know God)

Perhaps we are not called to share our beliefs; that doesn't require much in all reality. I find that all too often it is quite easy to share beliefs; it's the faith that I find so difficult to share. Perhaps it's because I have "so little faith."

I know many have been killed for what they believe (especially by those who have different beliefs), heck, even I have may be willing to die for my beliefs ( I have a big ego), but I'm not so sure that I have the faith in God and the teachings and example of Jesus to lay down my life for the very things he did. I believe that Jesus said "Follow me", I'm just not so sure I actually have the faith to do it.

I believe!
I believe!
I guess I have as much belief in Jesus as a "demon".
It's the faith to follow Jesus that I lack.