Judas & me.

Betray comes form the Latin word that means to "hand over". It may be impossible to betray anything: God, a friend, a loved one without handing oursleves over to something less than love.

To betray a loved one's trust is perhaps the lowest we can go. We may find forgiveness like Judas, but the shame of betrayal is nearly too much to bear.

In some ways we all have our Gospel according to Judas or the Gospel according to Rick or whatever your name is.

The reality for me is that I need Judas, we all need Judas.

By the grace of God and Judas' example we learn that God's love reaches beyond where we think we have reached the point of no return.

Some call it bottom.

It is self-imposed shame.

Perhaps some have been to the bottom so many times they think that God could not possibly forgive.

No, Judas is proof that there is no bottom too deep or so low that I can fall beneath the grasp of God's grace. In my disgrace and ugly betrayal, God forgives.

You can't get lower than the Cross.

I just need the grace to accept it.

Judas & Me.

Could you hear them that morning as they fell to the floor?
One by one…
in piercing slow motion…
cling… cling…cling.
30 sounds of the price of betrayal
that penetrates to the depths of your heart.

Like the wound from the jab of the blade
that punctured your side.
I stand holding the counterfeit currency
and blood-soaked spear
looking for a place to hang my head.

The price I pay to betray God.

At times in my life I have been willing to sell out for much less than 30 silver coins.

On my journey I have walked away from the Lover of my soul for the attention, approval, and appreciation of the authorities in my life.

I’ve done it for the money
and I have done for the eyes that elevated me to the cross that I didn’t or couldn't carry.

There was a time in my life that I actually thought I could fool or deceive God; I only mocked myself. There were times in my life I justified my betrayal of God but it was me who I deceived.

It only leaves me feeling ashamed, alone, and abandoned. The price was too high, for the cost was my soul…

Still, Love’s scared hands reached to embrace me.
I've touched the wounds of the hands that hold meand now I believe.
I never, ever want to let go of those hands.