If you love them; tell 'em.
Stephen Levine, author of Who Dies asks the question, "If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting."
"If you love them; tell them." These were the worlds flowing from the lips of my college’s Advanced Management professor. He was not talking about employees or customers, he was talking about those in our life who have meaning to us; those we love. For him, he was specifically talking about parents. One of the greatest lessons I learned in life was what this courageous professor taught me. He knew that beyond the scope of what we focus on each day in the world, what really matters is love.
It requires risk to tell someone that you love him or her. I grew-up in a family where it was considered okay to tell my mother that I love her, but not so manly to tell my father that I loved him. Yet the words of my professor would not leave me alone. "If you love them tell them."
I made the decision that I needed to tell my dad that I loved him. As silly or sad as it may seem it wasn’t easy. I prayed that God would give me the courage and strength. One day, a couple years later, as I was hugging my dad, I said, "I love you Pop." The ice was broken and love melted the hardness of my heart. For the next 10 years every time I spoke to my father we would end our conversation with the words "I love you." I decided I loved him and I did not care what he or anyone else thought about it. What mattered is that he knew how I felt.
I think God for that professor’s advice. I lost my dad to cancer eight years ago. Tomorrow, December 1 my dad would have been 74 years old. I thank God every day that I did what it took to make sure my dad knew how I felt about him. I sent cards, wrote letters, and made phone calls. I spoke from my heart. It wasn't about forgetting the times my dad failed as a father, it was about remembering how I felt about him and making sure I did my part.
"If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting." If you love them; tell them.
3 Comments:
good thought . . .
my dad died 3 years ago now, he was 72 . . . he lived a hard drinking type of life (no surprise that there is a divorce involved in that story as well) . . . when he drank he could tell us how much we meant to him, but he had a hard time expressing any deep feelings when sober ... but the months that he spent in a hospital bed dieing of throat cancer, he opened up more - even held my hand and kissed me ... i tear up just thinking about it ... i miss him and loved him . . . sometimes it takes tragedy to make us tell others how we feel . . . you gave a good reminder that we shouldn't wait . . . but do it today . . .
On the flip side of this, I believe that we are doing our sons a great disservice by not telling them constantly of our love for them. I firmly believe that this only cultivates their future relationship with their heavenly Father.
I don't blame my father for a thing, but I do admit having a tough time expressing my love for this Christ without feeling all weirded out, like I'm confessing to some homo-erotic based belief system (at least earlier in my walk). I get it now, but I struggled with this for a long, long time.
I pray you have a great day today Rick and remember fondly the birthdays you had your dad.
peace
My parents never took the initiative to tell us that they loved us. It took this scenario of being far away from them to let them know that I love them. It was a struggle and it was awkward at first. But I felt that I had to let them know. And I felt that I had to hear them say it.
In any case, when you love someone you tell them. Your professor was so right. Why do people hold back? I don't know. But it truly is amazing how expression of feelings through words can change everything.
Incidentally, your father and I share the same birthday. It is so great that you were able to share with him your feelings and especially made it a point to make him feel special on this day.
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