My mothering God.
How’s your prayer life?
"I don't concern myself with matters too great or awesome for me. But I have stilled and quieted myself, just as a small child is quiet with its mother." Psalm 131
There was (and are) a time when I would go to God with a head full of prayers. I would pour out my soul to God. I found this to be healthy for me. I would walk away from my prayers feeling as if I had gone boldly to the throne of grace having cast all my cares on God, even the small ones.
One of my favorite authors is the Jesuit priest Peter van Breemen who wrote the book, The God Who Won’t Let Go. He says, "Prayer begins with the realization that I am loved by God as I am. God's love is based on nothing and, therefore, is the most basic and secure fact in my life. I simply let myself be loved by God. This is not so much an activity of mine but a passivity in which I let God's love soak in and permeate my whole being."
For quite a long time now I find myself just closing my eyes while praying and focusing on my breathing. My heart is connected to God and I attempt to allow God to connect with my heart. I simply attempt to allow God to love me. I find myself wanting to speak less and less and just open my heart and breathe. It is not about want I say or think, but I want to silence my thoughts and make space for my heart to connect with God. I notice that after a short period of verbosity that my soul simply yearns to rest quietly with God. The anxiousness lessens and I find myself quieted like a baby who is quiet and nurtured by nursing against his mother’s breast, I find myself just wanting to rest my head against God and feel God’s heartbeat next to mine and allow myself to be loved by God.
7 Comments:
rick, i love this. if you had haloscan, i'd trackback to a thread i had earlier this week seeking out what people do to find time to plan their days around God and prayer.
what's that old phrase? it's easier to seek forgiveness than it is to ask for permission? i am copying and pasting your last paragraph with a link over to here in my comments because i still have folks commenting with really wonderful thoughts and insights - but no men!
this would be perfect.
if it's a problem, please let me hear from you...
Rick this was great! I often feel that you help point me towards finding freedom. Freedom from religiosity and from distorted views about God and man - thanks for blogging Rick! I appreciate you very much!
Rick, this was a lovely post. It is sweet to identify with a mothering God, a nurturing sort with a soft bosom upon which to lay your head, so to speak, who thinks you are just wonderful exactly the way you are. I love the image your writing evokes of resting quietly in my mother's arms - not speaking but just being fully present to her. As infants we do nothing but let our mother's love us.
I was wondering: what of this divinity is actually within you, too?
How's my prayer life? Well, that's part of the problem, it seems... you see, I spent a lot of time praying to get here to Chicago. Had a lot of people praying and discerning with me. All the arrows pointed here...and a year ago, I got the chair kicked out from under me. And I've come to realize that my prayer life has evaporated precisely because I'm afraid of what answer I'll get this time...
It reminds me of the story of Moses, at the Red Sea's edge, when God tells him to raise his staff over the waters. Moses looks at the sea, looks over his shoulder at the Egyptian army coming at them, and says, "Is that your final answer?" God says, "Raise your staff, Moses..." and Moses replies, "Is there Anyone Else up there I could talk to?"
However, the mothering God is a great image, and one frequently used by people who have had abusive or rejecting fathers. And when some child of God says, "Hey! We believe in God de fadder, God de son, and we don't take any of this God-as-a-woman crap!", you can point them to Julian of Norwich and dozens of early Christian writers and mystics who understood God as a woman. Of course, out of one of my traditions, it's "God as I mis-understand God," anyway...
That idea of being loved by God as I am is one of the most powerful - and yet one of the most elusive - concepts in my spiritual life. Every fiber of my being screams out for works-righteousness: that I somehow have to get better, and then I'll be acceptable to God. My head knows it ain't so - but I'm often not willing to listen to me.
Great post (as always) brother!
"I simply attempt to allow God to love me..."
this can be a chore for me in & of itself...
why in the hell would/should He ever love a piece of shit like me?
"God's love is based on nothing and, therefore, is the most basic and secure fact in my life."
easily said, hard as hell to understand, nearly impossible for me to believe...
inspired by your exsistence Rick...
me
Dude, I dreamt this! I actually dreamt this! As I reread your post it is so real to me, because my dream was all about a current of PURE LOVE that went out from someone who represents every 'father figure'I've tried to squeeze love from, and into me. I'd never recieved anything like this before. It's exactly what all of us empty people walk around yearning for.
Sorry to get so excited and make a fool of myself in yer comments, but as I reread this post, I feel that dream.
you've caught me speechless on this one. thanks for taking me there.
just breathing..
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