The art of being real.
How much honesty can one person handle? Take a relationship for example, how honest do you want your spouse to be about him/herself or about his/her feelings about you? Sometimes we may be told something that we simply do not want to hear or in a manner in which we don’t like hearing. It can hurt and sting areas in our lives that we may not want to face or have not faced. So much for authenticity, huh? But wait, isn’t that what we really need from others? For when we are free to allow others to be authentic and express themselves, then it means that we have achieved some level of self-honesty and personal authenticity.
Are you a safe a person who allows others who they really are? Can you receive a person where he is on his journey or do you attempt to regulate and control the person? If knowing the truth sets one free, then shouldn’t we be as genuine about ourselves as possible? Shouldn’t we allow others to be genuinely who they are regardless of what we think? That is not always easy, is it? For we have constructed walls to protect oursleves and regulate the flow of information so that we can control how others perceive us. As soon as I begin to hide who I am from you I am no longer living a truthful life and I am no longer living in freedom. I am doing myself an injustice for I put myself in exile and falsely imprison myself. At the same time, I may being doing you an injustice for I am not allowing you to face your prejudices, inner-conflicts, or lack of acceptance.
Authenticity comes from "authentes" which means acting on one’s own authority. Living an authentic life means that I live by my own authority and not what you think. In order for me to do this, I cannot give my power -- my authority--to you. My focus is on me, not what you think of me. The more authentic I am the more truthful I am. The more truth that I reveal about myself the more freedom I bring to my life. One of the main messages I find in the spirituality of Jesus is that humanity is called to authentically who we are. We don’t have to hide.
There is a risk associated with being authentic-- some may not like you and want to control you—and if they cannot control you they may want to crucify you. This is one reason I like Jesus as a model for humanity. He shows us the way to live. He calls for us to be authentically who we are created to be. He reminds us that at the depths of our being we are the image of the Divine and compels us to bring forth the person whose deepest DNA is from the Source of Life. That our essence springs from divine love… and we don’t have to hide in shame or fear.
Authentic means to be genuine or real. The author of our story is the real one. And the Real One, through love, calls us to be real. I want to be real. Today I need to look deeply within and ask myself if I am being real with myself, God and others. And if I am not, I need to ask, why? Because I think God wants nothing more for me than to be real and live in the freedom that it brings.
14 Comments:
By not being real, we present a perfect - or more perfect - image of ourself to others. We want to impress people. We seek validation from other people. We obtain our sense of self from what others think of us.
If, on the other hand, we become totally transparent and real people might see our "ugliness." We would have to cope with people seeing our humanity. And we'd have to face the possibility of rejection.
Jesus, by being so tuned into the Father, sought his identity in his union with God. Nothing could shake him - not even disapproval from others.
Perhaps in order to be real we need to develop our identity "in Christ" (in our Spirit-nature, call it what you will), before we can be free to accept rejection. Otherwise fear can wrestle us into constantly putting up a false image.
On the other hand, we don't need to brush our humanity (ugliness and all) under the carpet and just become "Spirit beings." There's a perfection in our earthiness as well.
Not sure if I'm making any sense or just blathering on. Probably the latter. Regardless, thanks for your post. I appreciate your "honesty." :)
ahhhh, but rick. what if another's authenticity might be mean, spiteful or hateful -- so are we to accept that for what it is and *let it roll* based on not having things affect us? (see my recent thread regarding my brother-in-law) - this is a raw issue with me right now, so maybe i shouldn't post a reply...
but i'm reading.
That is a good question, perhaps a healthy way to address one who is mean, spiteful, or hateful is to avoid him (or her) until he learns to adapt to treating others with respect and dignity. If he is hateful-- full of hate-- he is not living authentically who God created him to be. One way I can live with authenticity is to tell my truth and my truth is that I don't tolerate abusive people.
Thanks for the comments. I appreciate your bringing these issues to the post! Thanks.
Hi Rick,
This is such an important step along the spiritual journey - one we must face day in and day out. In what ways are we moving from our ego, our general fascade we want the world to see, rather than from our more original nature, that essence of us that is simple, and pure. I am actually aware of the presence of God most fully when I set my ego aside, and just be real with who I am, in my utter unadorned simplicity.
challenging words Rick, not only for us personally and individually, but great application as well for what it means to walk through this adventure with (and in) authentic community.
i think i speak for many when i say a big thanks to you for being real and authentic. i can honestly say that you rise to the top of those that have modeled and fleshed this out so well through your writing.
blessings.
Many days as I read your or your twin raggamuffins blog, I am provoked by your level of honesty. Rather than engage with theology only on an intellectual level your hearts are engaged and thereby your characters. I recently reread a journal entry of mine that said, "When I am with people who can share their struggle, their journey - false starts, detours and flat tires - I feel like coming out of hiding. With integrity I can be me, warts and all. No more pretending to be more holy, more changed than I am." You are one of those people. Thank you for your realness and rawness that invites people out of the isolation of "perfection" into the realm of "process" and into a relationship with the One who loved us before we ever officially embarked on the journey of holiness.
Hey Rick,
As always, great post! I hear the "be real" mantra over and over again as I listen in on and engage in conversations about the emerging church and reaching a post-whatever world and I often wonder to myself "how real is real?" How much of my reality can someone else handle? How much of their reality am I willing to accept as real? And how much of this journey to "real" am I willing to go through? (See: the Velveteen Rabbit's struggle with REAL for a great example)
I like the idea of Real, but I'm not going to be "really real" in all circles -- I doubt that is even HUMANLY possible. Some places just aren't safe enough for me to be real. As some of our conversations have gone before, I'd say the Church is one of those places a lot of times. I want it to be a place that fosters REAL, but it's too programmed, to artificial at times. Only in a few places in my life am I able and willing to be real and in those places I experiece the Spirit moving in relationship. I like those places. I long for more of them.
Thanks for keeping it real!
Peace!
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1Jn. 1:8 "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us."
So who do we think we're fooling, anyway? As the apostle says, we're only kidding ourselves.
I just wish those truly 'authentic' moments of mine weren't quite so public, nor quite so humility-inducing.
That might be nice.
Just once.
This has been a quest of mine of late. The amazing thing is the number of people who I consider some of my closest friends look at me like I am nuts when I talk about getting real with each other. I don't know if they are really that much better than I am or if they have just been part of this "act" for so long that they no longer have the ability to be real!! Thanks for the post and the comments that let me know I am not the only one!
The hardest thing is to be real when what one really is is generally unacceptable, or when the society at large finds no redemption for past sins.
I have two friends who, as very young men, had sex with younger girls, and were caught. They are now registered as "sex offenders," and will be so for the rest of their lives. They live in constant fear of rejection, of being ostracized for their past.
I personally know dozens of people who hide in the closet, in fear of the rejection they would face if they "came out." A fear, I might add, that much of the church feeds by their own homophobia. Better to hide than to be driven out of the fellowship as an "abomination"...
Telling the truth about my past life and financial sins ended my ministry career. The bishop was quite clear that while God could forgive and restore, "it would be unseemly" to propose a person with my past as a candidate for ordination. And they were very clear that they were glad I had told the truth (when it would have been just as easy to lie). But once they knew the truth, they said, it was all over.
Trev's comment about finding our identity in Christ is so true - and yet so hard...because we have to live with people, and it's so rare to really see Christ in them...
...which is one of the reasons I'm grateful to have found you, brother.
I have sometimes been struck by the seemingly unobserved contradiction in churches where the doctrine of "I'm just a sinner saved by grace" is held high, but then when someone actually publicly sins, they find themselves held in contempt, gossiped about, or just avoided.
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