Tear ducts

I had a patient cry today as I completed my time in CPE. He is a 39 year old recovering heroin addict and a member of my spirituality group that I co-lead with another chaplain at the treatment clinic. I was warned that these folks are the "worst of the worst" in the City.

My friend told me that he was really going to miss our presence and that his life has changed since meeting us. I was surprised to learn that since the group formed seven weeks ago, that he has ceased watching television and now spends his time connecting to God and thinking about what we discuss in group.

I told him that I considered him to be very intelligent and that he possessed unique gifts. I am particularly fond of his desire to stay clean, to love himself, and live a healthy life. He told me that no one had ever told him that he was worth something and had gifts. I wonder if that led to the soul pain that makes him want to use heroin?

I think this group was more about me than it was them. I need them. For when I listen to their struggles, their pains, their hopes and joys, fears and dreams I realize that I am no different at the core of who I am. I too want to go to Disneyland like one of the group members joked today. I want to laugh at myself. I want my life to count. I want to know that what I am doing matters and is valued by someone. I too want others to respect me and treat me with dignity. I don't guess it is so strange that I am in most need of being treated like I am somebody when I feel least like I am somebody.

I have tear ducts too, we all do.